While the Swineflu is, undoubtedly, serious - there does seem to be an element of panic creeping into the news..  Here is the perfect remedy.  I use it all the time - especially good for that morning after lift to put a spring in your step and give you that feeling you could eat an entire pig. I am following the matter most carefully and sensibly on Twitter.

Original post: 
H M Chief Medical Officer may not advise… but I do…

I write to you this night from a small room in the House of Lords to report that while my dear friend Lord CashnCarry has escaped detection , two of his fellow lords for hire  have not.  I begin my weekly postcard with a sombre tone.  The Sunday Times reported the devastating news… TWO Labour peers at the centre of the lords for hire scandal have been found guilty of misconduct by a sleaze inquiry and face suspension from parliament, according to senior House of Lords sources. Senior peers have concluded that Lord Taylor of Blackburn and Lord Truscott have broken the code of conduct of members of the upper house. It would appear that Lords Taylor and Blackburn, quilty only of ‘whoring out Parliament’ may be barred from The House of Lords for up to a year and, much more amusingly, lose their £335 a day daily tax free allowance.   Guido and others ask… Is there really no criminal sanction?  I am no criminal lawyer, but, astonishingly, despite having more criminal laws than any other country on earth (many of them enacted in the last ten or so years) … it would appear not.  Two other peers are under investigation. I had the pleasure today of doing two podcasts - With Professor Steve Molyneux, the magistrate who resigned after a fellow magistrate complained about his Twittering and with Gideon, the author of the Public Defender blog .  Both were fun to do and we covered a lot of ground. Smokedo - Smoke yourself fit with Charon My quest for definition and the physique of my youth continues with my carefully worked set of eight exercises completed 25 times a day with 50 reps of each exercise while smoking.  Fig 2 illustrates the Smokedo Press-up.  Obviously, this is not a picture of me - the picture is simulated to show how I do it.  The cigarette is also a model. The technique is straightforward: 1. Light cigarette |  2. Asssume pressup position | 3.  do press-up 50 times, remembering to breathe in each time you go down and exhale through the nose, so as to avoid dropping the cigarette, on the way up. I rather overdid the exercises last night upon my return from a drinking session at The Porterhouse with @Geeklawyer , @ Nancetro n, @ Special_noodles , @Rah_rah and @Pandaman s. I can say this, though… that while they all appeared to have  hangovers this morning… I did not.  Smokedo … the way of smoking while exercising.  It is easy, Grasshopper.  WARNING: Do not try this at home without first consulting a specialist like me.  This is only for professionals or for those who have been given the secret scrolls of Smokedo I can tell you this though, when I am able to walk again properly, I shall be a lot fitter and slimmer.  It is working…. ripping that flab as I type. Well on that note… as I clearly appear to have lost the plot… I have to go into a trance like state now, drink a few glasses of Rioja and spend some time with my Tweets on twitter. Have an excellent week. Regards as always Sensei Charonaka Smokedo Master 30aday Dan

Original post: 
26th April: Postcard from The House of Lords

I woke early this morning, walked onto the balcony, took in the early dawn, the gulls flying in formation overhead, lit a cigarette and began my first of a series of 100 repetitions of my new Smokedo exercise regime.  I should, perhaps, explain that I am in my fifties and have been sitting on my arse writing for some months.  It was time to tone a few muscles and get a bit of my body back. So…  while I  smoke on the balcony I do press ups, crunches, leg squats, isometric tension exercises .  I have 10 exercises in all. I do  about 1000 or so each day of each in repetitions of 50. A pack of 20 ensures that I reach my target.  It works…  A Smoke yourself fit with Charon book  is unlikely, however, to be in a bookshop near you in the near future. Invigorated by my first three cigarettes (and accompanying exercises) I was able to face the day and drink some tea. It was then that my mind turned to what I should write about before making a state visit to London to meet Geeklawyer and a few  fellow Twitters - Nancetron, Rah_Rah,  Special_Noodles.. and Pandamans.  and begin the ‘Lost day’ at the Porterhouse pub in Covent Garden. I heard the inspiring sounds of Jerusalem welling up in the dark recesses of my mind…  and a chariot of fire came to mind.  I would write about our sceptred isle… our green and pleasant land and relate the antics of a few British people who have made Britain great this week… or not, depending on your point of view. Bring me my bow of burning gold Bring me my arrows of desire Bring me my spears o’clouds unfold Bring me my chariot of fire So let us kick off with a judge or two. HH Judge Gledhill QC has managed to get himself onto the front page of The Law Society Gazette by giving a few solicitor-advocates a good kicking.  Unfortunately for Gledhill, they were unamused by this and Bullivant and Partners published a rather blunt response.  It may be that Judge Gledhill will soom be able to spend more time with his thoughts.  I covered this earlier in the week and Geeklawyer gives the story a good working over in his inimitable style. It seems that another judge will be hanging up the horsehair wig. The Telegraph reports that “District Judge Margaret Short was removed for behaviour that was “inappropriate, petulant and rude” with regards to one incident, according to the Office for Judicial Complaints, and “intemperate and ill-judged with regard to another”.”  Apparently Judge Short didn’t particularly care for solicitors either. The telegraph notes…  “She is believed to be the first judge to be sacked since Judge Bruce Campbell was removed for smuggling whisky from Guernsey into England in 1983.” Ah well… these are mild instances of bizarre behaviour when compared to the daddy of them of them all,  Lord Chief “Justice-in-a-Jiffy” Goddard who, “ it has been claimed ,  had a particular personal reaction to sentencing people to death. According to his valet, Goddard would have an orgasm during sentencing and his trousers had to be sent off to be cleaned as a result. Another and more probable version suggests Goddard reacted in this way when he sentenced defendants to corporal punishment.” Fortunately, the many judges I have met during 30 years in academe and, more recently blogging,  have all been rather good ones and extremly courteous and friendly, particularly to students.   Certainly, I would have thought, our profession is better off without tiresomely rude judges? So who else has been behaving badly? Well… there is the matter of PC Plodder, or rather PC Rob Ward, 27 who, The Mail reports , ” allegedly boasted on Facebook he was going to “bash some long-haired hippies” at the G20 protests is under investigation” Here is he, the brave man, kitted out in his police stuff looking like Robocop on a bad day.  What is that thing on his head?  It looks like one of those electrode caps. Perhaps he is battery operated? Perhaps that thing on his head is a clamp to keep his brain in?  Who knows? Anyway, he too may well have more time to spend dressing up at home soon.  He is being investigated, The Mail reports. All in all… not a bad haul for a Saturday morning… but I leave you with one final piece of nonsense.  The Mail reports this morning…one can almost hear the hyperventilating journalist… She says she’ll name four top Tories as clients in her memoirs. Is vice girl Natalie Rowe a fantasist or ticking time bomb? And George Osborne even gets a mention… with a cute pic of him with her many years ago…. and The Mail has the gall to say that the story is being handled by “ the old sleazemeister himself, Max Clifford.” I shall, of course, be reading the News of The World and other tabloids tomorrow when I return from London to write my Postcard from east of London.  Have a good day…. and as they used to say on Crimewatch.. don’t have nightmares… about Lord Goddard.

Read the original: 
Our sceptred isle… redux…

The original Reggie Perrin serious was a classic … this updated version is a bit of a dog… I’m afraid I agree with this guy… The re-make was embarrassing….. nuff aid.

See the rest here: 
Reggie Perrin murdered… Anyone know a good criminal lawyer?…

Insite Law: updates to editorial, main page, news, profession. Management: Understanding the professional service firm Nick Jarrett-Kerr Watch the film: Part 1 of a series of 40 short film clips on law firm management. Subscribers to barrister Daniel Barnett’s Employment Law Bulletin have raised more than £10,000 – in less than two weeks! Starlight is dedicated to lighting up the lives of seriously and terminally ill children by granting them their dearest wishes. Read

Read the original post: 
22nd April: News up on Insite Law

News, blogs, profession, law reports update - a large one.  Now up on Insite Law Blawg Review #208 For those of you new to Green Patent Blog, welcome.  We operate at the intersection of IP law and all things green, clean, or renewable. We’re especially pleased you could join us during Earth Week , which of course, includes Earth Day .  So as we cover the law blogs today, we’ll put a special emphasis on the green and earthy.

Read more: 
20th April: Major update to Insite Law….

As denials go… Ed Balls with his ‘completely fabricated and malevolent nonsense’ isn’t in quite the same league as Mayor Boris who, when accused of some extra-curricular activity some years ago, said… “I have not had an affair with Petronella. It is complete balderdash. It is an inverted pyramid of piffle. It is all completely untrue and ludicrous conjecture. I am amazed people can write this drivel.” So… the email smear investigation  produced out of a hat by Guido Fawkes last week  not only earned him a rather absurd piece of smear journalism in return ( which he fielded rather well )  but it would appear that Mr Balls is now revealed as the Ernst Stavro Blofeld Bond villain of the piece… skulking in the background, directing his polbots. Ed Balls denies this. The Sunday Times reports… “ED BALLS, the schools secretary, used Damian McBride, the disgraced spin doctor, to smear ministerial rivals and advance his own ambitions, a Downing Street whistleblower has claimed. In an explosive new twist to the e-mail affair, a No 10 insider has revealed that Balls was the mastermind behind a “dark arts” operation by McBride to undermine colleagues. He claims the education secretary is running a destabilising “shadow operation” inside Downing Street to clear his path for the party leadership if Labour loses the next election. The insider said: “There is now an operation within an operation at No 10 and it answers to Ed Balls.” The News of The World has what they call an exclusive along roughly the same lines…but with a different slant… Damning proof that vicious dirty tricks website did involve highest levels of party Meanwhile… as at 10.30 am Sunday morning, a nation waits for further revelations from Guido . In the meantime… it is time for me to cook some breakfast.  I think I shall have bacon and eggs with a few beans and toss in some brown toast to give me the illusion that I am being healthy.  I may even have a glass of wine…. Rioja on Sundays, I have found, may be enjoyed at any hour of the day.. a piu tarde. 12.30: Well breakfast concluded… fortunately after seeing this Gerald Scarfe  cartoon picked up by Red Rag ( A full version here )…and Guido is orf for a picnic to keep the ravening horde waiting for his latest revelations…. As Labour plummets in the polls faster than bank shareson the stock exchange did some months ago, John Prescott is using Twitter, facebook and Blackberry tecdhnology to get the message accross.  I’m not entirely sure whether even Moses himself would have any effect on the British public now in terms of their faith in Gordon Brown and Nu-Labour… but at least the old bruiser is still in the game and doing it with some style.  I enjoy listening to Prescott… and he does keep the gags coming… or should that be shags. The Times has the full story. More later, I suspect.  I may even manage to write a bit about the law… anything is possible.

Read more from the original source: 
Completely fabricated and malevolent nonsense…

Today I am talking to Carl Gardner, barrister, a former government lawyer and author of the Head of Legal blog. We’re discussing the extraordinary case of the arrest of Damien Green MP in the light of the DPP’s decision yesterday not to prosecute him or the home office official who was also arrested. The newspapers state that Green was told by police at the time of his arrest that he could be facing life imprisonment if convicted. Is Jacqui Smith, Home Secretary, on the ropes? *** Links to Carl’s blog posts, the DPP statement and the Home Affairs Committee report may be found on Insite Law magazine under the ‘Listen to podcast’ link below. Listen to the podcast *** podcast version for iTunes

Go here to read the rest: 
Lawcast 128:Damian Green MP - the decision of the DPP not to prosecute and the position of The Home Secretary

John Flood, academic, law prof and blogger has done the business with his new persona  - stand up comedian. In my book, anyone who can do stand-up in front of any audience, let alone pissed people in a pub - deserves praise for courage and idiocy/madness in the face of reason! The title to this piece comes from one of many very amusing quips in John’s latest stand up routine …. It made me laugh… but I would have laughed even if I wasn’t half in the bag. Watch the John Flood movie *** ( also does pretty good podcasts and knows a thing or two about law! )

Read the original here: 
Hawking didn’t write Brief History of Time - the wheelchair did…

The Archbishop of Canterbury is encouraging us to take advantage of the credit-crunch and consider a monastic life.  As it happens, I am living a fairly monastic, reclusive life.  As with monks, I drink wine - although I tend to buy,  rather than make , my own wine,…  not having cracked the water into wine stunt. From the pulpit of Canterbury Cathedral, hardly a modest building and one steeped in history of Church acquisition and temporal power, Dr Williams encouurages us… “Accepting voluntary limitation to your acquisitiveness, your sexual appetite, your freedom of choice doesn’t look so absurd after all as a path to some sort of stability and mutual care. We should be challenging ourselves and our church to a new willingness to help this witness to flourish and develop.” ( Guardian ) Being a devout and confirmed non-believer I did a quick Google search to find out how much priests earn.  The Chief Rabbi appears to be the highest paid,  with salary and ‘benefits’ approaching the 100k mark.  The Archbishop of Canterbury at 2002 figures (the latest I could find) is on just inder £60k but he does get a stretch limo with a driver, an apartment at Lambeth Palace, one at Canterbury Cathedral and, no doubt his kit is provided.  I suspect that his pension and retirement  arrangements  and  the one way ticket to the kingdom of heaven are also … as we say… East of London… sorted. Anyway… nothing wrong with making a living as an illusionist… David Copperfield and many others do the same thing, albeit with different props. Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the high street, the Blairs have popped up again. The Independent reports: “Mr Blair began last month with an article insisting political leaders needed to “do God”. Then, last week, he directly criticised Pope Benedict XVI and the Vatican for their “entrenched attitude” towards homosexuality. But while his words were applauded by gay rights campaigners, Mr Blair sparked a withering response from leading Catholics by comparing the Church with a political party that needed its own Clause 4 moment to change with the times” Mrs Blair, now possibly in need of a bit of press and other media attention,  is out and about publicising her autobiography.  This is unlikely to be on my reading list as my taste lies with  great figures from history, politics and science - the more villainous and venal the better - so her husband’s books will be on  my list. She did say that she doesn’t agree with the Pope’s stance on condoms and AID however…  so something selfless as opposed to self-aggrandising . Perhaps Blair isn’t going for President of Europe after all - perhaps he is  running for Pope. The Independent notes: “Mr Blair, in his interview with the gay magazine Attitude, said: “Organised religions face the same dilemma as political parties when faced with changed circumstances” The great story of the day is the resignation of McBride for planning a series of nasty smears against Tory politicans. There was even talk of George Osborne dressed up in stockings, suspenders and high heels when he was younger.  Frankly, I prefer to have my politicans with a sense of humour having done amusing things in their younger days than some dessicated worthy with absolutely no sins and, therefore, no experience of real life. Guido broke the story and covers it fully - as do the main newspapers. Did Gordon Brown know what McBride, his closest political adviser, was up to? I have no idea as I haven’t got access to Brown’s emails or phonecalls - although he, or rather his government, now have access to the timing and place  of mine. The Fat Bigot has a view and his blog post on the matter is worth a read. It is ironic, in a week when ISPs have to keep records of emails sent by all citizens of the United Kingdom to allow the government to poke about that the government should be hoist by emails emanating from the very heart of power.  Have a look at Ian Parker-Joseph’s excellent blog post on this and his wonderful plan to thwart the government by putting a whole series of key words  like bomb, Al Qaeda, terrorist, grenade, pigs, troughts, North Korea etc etc in the signature of all his emails. As Ian is the leader of The Libertarian Party UK if his emails and telephone calls weren’t being monitored before they may well be rather more closely now! On that note…. I have to get to bed early… there is a lot of rising going on tomorrow.

Here is the original post: 
Easter Sunday 2009: Blair for Pope and other matters…