Archive for April, 2009

Legless in Gaza? No, but in the wake of my Smokedo: Smoke yourself fit with Charon antics, I am now going to be a wine reviewer for LawandMore. I used to do restaurant reviews for them, but as I far prefer drinking to eating - and I am miles away from good restaurants it makes sense to review wines.  There is another advantage - the wines come to me by courier! I have spoken to two wine  people this morning - both very enthusiastic blokes - and warned them that my reviews tend to be less technical, but more surreal, than the real experts.  While I studied wine in my late twenties I gave up;  preferring instead to drink the goddam stuff than worry what colour the soil was or where the sun was pointing when grape turned into nectar of the gods. It is unlikely, also, I told them that I would be writing about fruits or wine tasting of old cricket bats. I will be concentrating on taste, of course and will also (because I am an enthusaistic if infrequent cook) give an idea of what food it will go with -  but I will be asking one essential question - Did it do the business? I shall, of course, have a grading system based on  a 1-5 scale.  One  is not a good score.  Five  will be nirvana. I am pleased to report that my Smokedo programme is going well. I am now a 30aday Dan and managing to do 1000 press-ups, and 500 squats, calf lifts and 500 repetitions of five arm exercises with a 5kg dumbell daily  - courtsey of Mr Amazon who delivered said dumbells to me only yesterday.  I rather overdid it yesterday evening  and found my right arm throwing tea into my face when I lifted my cup this morning - but, in time….  my body will get used to the new muscles. The drawing to the left is a simulation. For political reasons I cannot be photographed smoking as I use these dumbells.  The technique of gripping the cigarette between the teeth allows natural breathing in and out while using the dumbell equipment.  As always, please do not try this at home unless a Smokedo master is present to advise.

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Legless in Gaza?….

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While law and a bit of the red stuff are, shall we say,  interests of mine -  the two together do not always give pleasure.  I was tipped off  by  Thirstforwine (a fellow Twitterer) about the rather absurd behaviour of  Ernst & Julio Gallo who threatened to sue a small Seattle wine and food retailer for importing pasta called ‘Gallo’.  The fact that Gallo is pasta,  and not even people with suspiciously long arms  would confuse pasta with wine, was of little interest to E & J Gallo .  They hired an attorney.  The attorney told The Spanish Table to cease and desist or be sued. I enter a caveat here. I am assuming that the report upon which I draw accurately represents the events that happened - a not unreasonable assumption as the story is still, at the time of writing, online and the online source is a Wine magazine/blog. The retailers, the report states , were shocked that the first contact was through a lawyer and made the entirely reasonable point that had someone from E & J Gallo (and I want you to remember that name) contacted them to discuss their concerns they would have been open to discussion. Rather than face a costly legal fight, the retailers wrote to the attorney asking whether the pasta should be given away to a food bank or be destroyed. E & J Gallo , it seems, wanted more than their pound of pasta.  They wanted name, rank and serial number of the importers of the Gallo pasta…. Ok… I exaggerate… they wanted to know the identity of  the importer of the GALLO pasta. The retailers declined to do so. At this point the reports states “ The Gallo attorney would no longer communicate with them at all, only with their attorney, in essence, forcing them to hire one. They say that they were given an April 16 th deadline to hire an attorney and cease pasta sales, however, Gallo officially filed suit ahead of their own deadline on April 14 th .” While I fully understand and accept that brand owners wish to protect their brands, there is a whiff of the unpleasant about this matter.  Big organisations playing “the heavy” with small organisations is never particularly edifying and less so when  they use oppressive legal tactics and then resile from their own stated plan of action. However, be that as it may…  and whatever the merits in law in that US state may be - my own view, as a wine drinker’  is that E & J Gallo behaved oppressively.  A quick bit of research on Google revealed that Gallo is a fairly common name in Italy, there is a hotel called Gallo, it is a romance language also and there are several types of Gallo pasta. I have drunk wines from  Ernst & Julio Gallo . I would be grateful if you would keep this information to yourselves - lest people  point me out to their families in the street and say ‘”There he is… the man who drank an Ernst & Julio Gallo wine.”   They are not to my taste, although they do… do the business. I am toying now, as I drink a glass of an excellent Rioja - not, of course, produced by E & J Gallo -  about manufacturing suppositories and importing them into the USA.  I shall call them GALL-O .  This, of course, is an acronym for Greased Anal Liquid Laxative - Optimised. Optimised for easy insertion. Perhaps The Spanish Table, the retailer, would like some to send to the attorney when they return his papers?

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Law and wine… not always a pleasure….

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There are many uses for Facebook and it was through Facebook that I discovered the proposal of the Treasurers of Inner Temple and Middle Temple to merge the two Inn libraries. I have not been able to read any details - for no details of this proposal are, as yet, public.  Nor have I, at this stage, contacted the Treasurers to ask for  detail.  It may be, in any event, that the proposals are not at a stage yet for more public debate by outsiders. Update 11.00: The reference on Facebook has now been deleted The plan as revealed on the Middle Temple Facebook page is to merge the two collections, with a suggestion mooted of housing them in Middle Temple library and to use the library space at Inner Temple for advocacy and other training purposes. Both the Middle Temple and I nner Temple libraries house important collections and archives and, I understand, that to squash these important collections into one building will be extremely difficult if the integrity of the collections is to be maintained and serviced properly.  It is also likely that merger will result in redundancies and the inevitable  loss of valuable expertise and knowledge from the dedicated librarians of both Inns. I spoke to a few senior members of the bar I have known and the reaction was not favourable.  It was pointed out to me that Chambers are feeling the pinch and are cutting back on their own library provision and the Inn libraries are, accordingly, an even more important resource than perhaps they were.  There was concern that a reduction in staff and possible cutbacks in resource, already suffering due to budget cuts in the present climate, would impact on the efficient and effective running of the Bar and the daily work of members of the Bar who need to have access to first class resources if they are to maintain high standards. This is not just an issue about collegiate feel - it is about the provision of resources to the Bar as a whole and the reputation of each member within the profession reliant on a world class law library resource.  I am confident that the proposal will not be supported by the staff of either Inn library. So - without further ado, given that the cat appears now to be out of the red bag - I would be interested in hearing from barristers, students, solicitors and academics on their views of this proposal. If there are sufficient views expressed in the comments section, perhaps these could be passed on to the Treasurers of both Inns for their consideration? I will also do some more research and take opinion from my sources and revert. Over to you.

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Inner and Middle Temple Libraries to merge?

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While the Swineflu is, undoubtedly, serious - there does seem to be an element of panic creeping into the news..  Here is the perfect remedy.  I use it all the time - especially good for that morning after lift to put a spring in your step and give you that feeling you could eat an entire pig. I am following the matter most carefully and sensibly on Twitter.

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H M Chief Medical Officer may not advise… but I do…

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I write to you this night from a small room in the House of Lords to report that while my dear friend Lord CashnCarry has escaped detection , two of his fellow lords for hire  have not.  I begin my weekly postcard with a sombre tone.  The Sunday Times reported the devastating news… TWO Labour peers at the centre of the lords for hire scandal have been found guilty of misconduct by a sleaze inquiry and face suspension from parliament, according to senior House of Lords sources. Senior peers have concluded that Lord Taylor of Blackburn and Lord Truscott have broken the code of conduct of members of the upper house. It would appear that Lords Taylor and Blackburn, quilty only of ‘whoring out Parliament’ may be barred from The House of Lords for up to a year and, much more amusingly, lose their £335 a day daily tax free allowance.   Guido and others ask… Is there really no criminal sanction?  I am no criminal lawyer, but, astonishingly, despite having more criminal laws than any other country on earth (many of them enacted in the last ten or so years) … it would appear not.  Two other peers are under investigation. I had the pleasure today of doing two podcasts - With Professor Steve Molyneux, the magistrate who resigned after a fellow magistrate complained about his Twittering and with Gideon, the author of the Public Defender blog .  Both were fun to do and we covered a lot of ground. Smokedo - Smoke yourself fit with Charon My quest for definition and the physique of my youth continues with my carefully worked set of eight exercises completed 25 times a day with 50 reps of each exercise while smoking.  Fig 2 illustrates the Smokedo Press-up.  Obviously, this is not a picture of me - the picture is simulated to show how I do it.  The cigarette is also a model. The technique is straightforward: 1. Light cigarette |  2. Asssume pressup position | 3.  do press-up 50 times, remembering to breathe in each time you go down and exhale through the nose, so as to avoid dropping the cigarette, on the way up. I rather overdid the exercises last night upon my return from a drinking session at The Porterhouse with @Geeklawyer , @ Nancetro n, @ Special_noodles , @Rah_rah and @Pandaman s. I can say this, though… that while they all appeared to have  hangovers this morning… I did not.  Smokedo … the way of smoking while exercising.  It is easy, Grasshopper.  WARNING: Do not try this at home without first consulting a specialist like me.  This is only for professionals or for those who have been given the secret scrolls of Smokedo I can tell you this though, when I am able to walk again properly, I shall be a lot fitter and slimmer.  It is working…. ripping that flab as I type. Well on that note… as I clearly appear to have lost the plot… I have to go into a trance like state now, drink a few glasses of Rioja and spend some time with my Tweets on twitter. Have an excellent week. Regards as always Sensei Charonaka Smokedo Master 30aday Dan

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26th April: Postcard from The House of Lords

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I woke early this morning, walked onto the balcony, took in the early dawn, the gulls flying in formation overhead, lit a cigarette and began my first of a series of 100 repetitions of my new Smokedo exercise regime.  I should, perhaps, explain that I am in my fifties and have been sitting on my arse writing for some months.  It was time to tone a few muscles and get a bit of my body back. So…  while I  smoke on the balcony I do press ups, crunches, leg squats, isometric tension exercises .  I have 10 exercises in all. I do  about 1000 or so each day of each in repetitions of 50. A pack of 20 ensures that I reach my target.  It works…  A Smoke yourself fit with Charon book  is unlikely, however, to be in a bookshop near you in the near future. Invigorated by my first three cigarettes (and accompanying exercises) I was able to face the day and drink some tea. It was then that my mind turned to what I should write about before making a state visit to London to meet Geeklawyer and a few  fellow Twitters - Nancetron, Rah_Rah,  Special_Noodles.. and Pandamans.  and begin the ‘Lost day’ at the Porterhouse pub in Covent Garden. I heard the inspiring sounds of Jerusalem welling up in the dark recesses of my mind…  and a chariot of fire came to mind.  I would write about our sceptred isle… our green and pleasant land and relate the antics of a few British people who have made Britain great this week… or not, depending on your point of view. Bring me my bow of burning gold Bring me my arrows of desire Bring me my spears o’clouds unfold Bring me my chariot of fire So let us kick off with a judge or two. HH Judge Gledhill QC has managed to get himself onto the front page of The Law Society Gazette by giving a few solicitor-advocates a good kicking.  Unfortunately for Gledhill, they were unamused by this and Bullivant and Partners published a rather blunt response.  It may be that Judge Gledhill will soom be able to spend more time with his thoughts.  I covered this earlier in the week and Geeklawyer gives the story a good working over in his inimitable style. It seems that another judge will be hanging up the horsehair wig. The Telegraph reports that “District Judge Margaret Short was removed for behaviour that was “inappropriate, petulant and rude” with regards to one incident, according to the Office for Judicial Complaints, and “intemperate and ill-judged with regard to another”.”  Apparently Judge Short didn’t particularly care for solicitors either. The telegraph notes…  “She is believed to be the first judge to be sacked since Judge Bruce Campbell was removed for smuggling whisky from Guernsey into England in 1983.” Ah well… these are mild instances of bizarre behaviour when compared to the daddy of them of them all,  Lord Chief “Justice-in-a-Jiffy” Goddard who, “ it has been claimed ,  had a particular personal reaction to sentencing people to death. According to his valet, Goddard would have an orgasm during sentencing and his trousers had to be sent off to be cleaned as a result. Another and more probable version suggests Goddard reacted in this way when he sentenced defendants to corporal punishment.” Fortunately, the many judges I have met during 30 years in academe and, more recently blogging,  have all been rather good ones and extremly courteous and friendly, particularly to students.   Certainly, I would have thought, our profession is better off without tiresomely rude judges? So who else has been behaving badly? Well… there is the matter of PC Plodder, or rather PC Rob Ward, 27 who, The Mail reports , ” allegedly boasted on Facebook he was going to “bash some long-haired hippies” at the G20 protests is under investigation” Here is he, the brave man, kitted out in his police stuff looking like Robocop on a bad day.  What is that thing on his head?  It looks like one of those electrode caps. Perhaps he is battery operated? Perhaps that thing on his head is a clamp to keep his brain in?  Who knows? Anyway, he too may well have more time to spend dressing up at home soon.  He is being investigated, The Mail reports. All in all… not a bad haul for a Saturday morning… but I leave you with one final piece of nonsense.  The Mail reports this morning…one can almost hear the hyperventilating journalist… She says she’ll name four top Tories as clients in her memoirs. Is vice girl Natalie Rowe a fantasist or ticking time bomb? And George Osborne even gets a mention… with a cute pic of him with her many years ago…. and The Mail has the gall to say that the story is being handled by “ the old sleazemeister himself, Max Clifford.” I shall, of course, be reading the News of The World and other tabloids tomorrow when I return from London to write my Postcard from east of London.  Have a good day…. and as they used to say on Crimewatch.. don’t have nightmares… about Lord Goddard.

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Our sceptred isle… redux…

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The original Reggie Perrin serious was a classic … this updated version is a bit of a dog… I’m afraid I agree with this guy… The re-make was embarrassing….. nuff aid.

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Reggie Perrin murdered… Anyone know a good criminal lawyer?…

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When two tribes go to war? The Times reports: “A City accountant convicted of leaving a lawyer’s face virtually unrecognisable in a brawl after drinking lager, champagne and tequila at a leaving party in a Fleet Street pub was spared jail but faces being struck off the chartered accountants’ register. Graham Carr, 39, who worked for KPMG, admitted causing actual bodily harm to Simon McPhee, of the City law firm Freshfields, after repeatedly punching him in the face in the Punch Tavern for talking too loudly. He was sentenced to a 12-month community order and 110 hours of unpaid work and ordered to pay £500 costs, reduced after the court was told that he had just been made redundant.” I don’t know the circumstances of this matter, of course - but it seems to me than an assault leaving a man’s face ‘virtually unrecognisable’ goes far beyond a minor altercation in a pub.   It is astonishing that a professional man can resort to such violence  over such a trivial matter as talking too loudly.  Custodial sentence?  I’m not a criminal lawyer and did not hear the evidence, of course.  Presumably assaults of this severity usually attract a custodial sentence? Perhaps a reader who does practice in the criminal courts can shed some light? It is just as well that Mr Carr was not a guest at an Inn of Court dining night - there would have been a hundred  or so lawyers talking loudly.

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And in the red corner tonight…

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Insite Law: updates to editorial, main page, news, profession. Management: Understanding the professional service firm Nick Jarrett-Kerr Watch the film: Part 1 of a series of 40 short film clips on law firm management. Subscribers to barrister Daniel Barnett’s Employment Law Bulletin have raised more than £10,000 – in less than two weeks! Starlight is dedicated to lighting up the lives of seriously and terminally ill children by granting them their dearest wishes. Read

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22nd April: News up on Insite Law

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For some bizarre reason I thought of the old dance marathons in the USA during the depression when I read the news that BPP Law School has set up a new form of speed dating - giving students the opportunity to meet prospective employers; allowing them three minutes in which to impress the training partner or members of the recruitment team. It is a good idea but at the same time, to my eyes,  a rather depressing metaphor for the reality of the times we live in.  No longer is the student in a seller’s market.  Law firms aren’t even in a seller’s market - not even the biggest law firms. It does not take genius to work out that there are still stormy days ahead. This led me to start thinking again about the reality for students in terms of getting training contracts or pupillages in the next two to three years and the very real possibility that the big vocational law schools may have to trim their sails, batten down the hatches, and prepare for hard times. The BPP Law School  speed dating concept also reminded me of the iconic Yosser Hughes from Alan Bleasdale’s extraordinarily powerful television series Boys from The Blackstuff .  Yosser’s plaintiff cry ‘Gissa job” struck a chord for many who watched that programme. In October last year I wrote a post warning that law schools , particularly law schools offering the LPC and the BVC, may have to watch their finances as the market for their services declined in the short term.  I called the piece: Forecast for law schools  for the next three years - a clear enough title.  It didn’t attract much comment or attention.   I didn’t expect it to.  There are none so blind as those who do not wish to look ahead. Many of us (and I include myself) suffer from this myopia. Peter Crisp, CEO of BPP, when I did a podcast with him  about BPP’s plans for the future, however,  was very bullish and told me that applications were ‘higher than they had ever been’. Having been involved in legal education for twenty-five years (and more than aware of the financial structure of law schools, having assisted in founding BPP law School some years back)  I was pleased that my predictions appeared not to be well founded. I am always delighted when negative prediction turns out to be wrong.  But I remained concerned about the reality. The Lawyer and Legal Week have been monitoring closely the redundancy rounds of law firms. Even the very biggest magic circle firms have been hit badly and while there may be ‘green shoots’ about to spring up, many green shoots are still buried deep underground,  and the old adage that the law sector is usually the last to be affected by recession but is also the last sector to come out of recession is one, I suspect, that will prove true for this recession. A REVISED FORECAST FOR LAW SCHOOLS It is time for  a Revised Forecast for Law Schools and this time my conclusions are rather more grim.  Again, I hope to be proved wrong - for none of us wish to see good law schools under pressure with the concomittant result that they either raise their fees ( Greed is Good? -  The College of Law, BPP and Kaplan have already raised fees for the BVC and LPC) or have to reduce their offering,  or worse - close the doors, albeit temporarily. Let’s keep it simple. 1. In recent months The Lawyer and Legal Week have reported redundancies from all the major law firms, have written about trainees being asked to defer training contracts,  and have given a pretty clear picture of a profession in recession. Husnara Begum of The Lawyer2B writes: “Stories about law firms asking their future trainees to defer their start dates have dominated The Lawyer ’s student website Lawyer2B.com in recent weeks. Barely a week has passed without at least one firm conceding it has asked future trainees to push back their start dates.” and again… “FFW confirmed that it is not planning to hire any new trainees for 2011 and will resume recruitment activities next year for 2012 starters. The firm has also cancelled its summer vacation scheme programme.” It would appear that there is a strong possibility that quite a few law firms aren’t going to take any trainees for 2011 or, at best, a reduced intake. 2.  So what are the big law schools going to do for students and revenue? The Law Society Gazette reported on 17th April: ” Two top City firms have remained tight-lipped over the future of their specialist graduate training schemes after asking prospective trainees to start work a year later than planned. Magic circle firms Clifford Chance and Linklaters, which have asked prospective trainees to volunteer to defer for a year, could not comment on whether they would reduce the number.” Given that BPP and The College of Law between them train LPC students for many of the top law  firms - if these law firms are deferring training contracts now -  is it not likely they will recruit fewer students a year down the line and BPP and The College of Law will have to look  elsewhere to make up the numbers?  Or are the big law firms going to continue trainee  recruitment at previous levels and accommodate a trainee intake double the norm for that year, next year? Susan Blake, director of studies at City Law School, warned that cuts could be a false economy: ‘ During the last recession there were cutbacks on traineeships, but then firms didn’t have new blood coming through for the upturn.’ This would tend to suggest that she, at least, admits of the possibility that recruitment will be down. Her remarks are also, of course, pregnant with the implication that law school revenues will be down. BPP and The College of Law - perhaps other lead LPC providers  also - may well find that their recruitment and revenues from large law firms is down.  If the big firms are cutting back,  it is likely that there will be a need for fewer trainees outside the big firm sector  as well. Overall, surely, there will be a reduction in demand for LPC places?  If this proves to be correct,  either LPC courses generally will suffer a declining revenue or the big players will simply take those who would have gone to smaller providers, leaving the smaller law schools with a very serious shortage.  in this ‘extreme model’ it is possible that smaller providers will be looking at lecturer and staff redundancies  or worse :  closure of their courses in an extreme situation? 3. What about the students? It is a competitive market, increasingly so. Students who have training contracts, or those asked to defer,  are covered.  Those who do not have training contracts set up now face an uneasy time until the profession comes through the recession.  What of students at university now who had planned for 2011?  If law firms aren’t recruiting, the answer is obvious. What about a student who has to make the decision to invest in paying the substantial fees for the LPC? Those who had no prospect of joining a City or other firm who sponsor students for the LPC will continue to finance the course as before - if they take the risk of doing so in the present climate.  But what of students who planned to go to a magic circle or other large firm? City firms sponsor their students and pay the substantial fees.  Are students who may once have expected a place on a magic circle or City firm training scheme suddenly going to dig into their own pockets and pay the LPC fees?  It is possible - but I suspect that some of these students will simpyly wait until the up turn comes, as surely it will.  Maybe the upturn will not come quickly, so they may well have to dip into their own pockets to pay to do the LPC if they wish to  be in the market when the upturn comes. I do hope that I am wrong in what is a fairly obvious conclusion to draw,  given the evidence appearing week by week that the profession is in recession. I suspect that I am not . I end with the perhaps rather gloomy statement that if I was running a small law school now, even though profit is not the motive because of full service provision policy, I would be looking at the figures very closely and would be watching even more closely  the advertising and marketing of the big providers.  If revenues aren’t coming in it will have a knock on effect on the finances of the university provider.  Will the universities bide their time without cost cutting, raising their fees to make up shortfall,  and be onsidering redundancy consultations?  We shall find out soon enough. As always - I am very interested to hear what you think and have to say… over to you.

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Speed dating for the credit-crunched?… and a revised forecast for law schools.

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